> For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in #hotsex on IRC...
>
> Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as
> "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
> through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy.  However, as you'll see
> below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an
> online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again,
> maybe he does...
>
> Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
>
> Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I
> work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are
> 36-24-36. What do you look like?
>
> Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a
> pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.  I'm also wearing a
> T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells
> funny.
>
> Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
>
> Wellhung: OK
>
> Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on
> the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into
> your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
> begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
>
> Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
>
> Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
>
> Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides
> off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
>
> Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole
> in your blouse. I'm sorry.
>
> Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
>
> Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
>
> Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft
> breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
>
> Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do
> you
> have any scissors?
>
> Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing
> the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My
> nipples are erect for you.
>
> Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the
> clasp.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
> tongue all over me.
>
> Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.
>
> They're neat!
>
> Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
> your ear.
>
> Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
> phlegm.
>
> Sweetheart: What?
>
> Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
> my blouse.
>
> Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a
> plop.
>
> Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing
> your hard tool.
>
> Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
>
> Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
>
> Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in
and
> out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
>
> Sweetheart: What's the matter?
>
> Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
>
> Sweetheart: Are you OK?
>
> Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
>
> Sweetheart: Can I help?
>
> Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through
> the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
>
> Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
>
> Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
>
> Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
>
> Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
>
> Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And
> now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's
the
> bedroom?
>
> Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
>
> Wellhung: I found it.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
>
> Wellhung: Me too.
>
> Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
> bodies pressing each other.
>
> Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
>
> Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
>
> Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses
> on the night table.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
>
> Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and
> toward the bathroom.
>
> Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
>
> Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
> toilet. I lift the lid.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
>
> Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I
> can't find it. Uh-oh!
>
> Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
>
> Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry
> again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
>
> Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
>
> Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you
> know...woman's thing.
>
> Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
>
> Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your
> neck.
> Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
> another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!
>
> Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
>
> Sweetheart: What?
>
> Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on
> my face.
>
> Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy.
> I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
>
> Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
> underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
>
> Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm
> feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture
> frames and your candles.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
>
> Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our
> candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a
> shocked look on my face.
>
> Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
>
> Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
>
> Sweetheart: